Again
by StarWalker42
Summary: The second kiss. 'Now it's my turn to pause, knowing that there's no more avoiding it. This conversation has to happen eventually.' H/L, ESB


Summary: The second kiss. 'Now it's my turn to pause, knowing that there's no more avoiding it. This conversation has to happen eventually.' H/L, ESB

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars blah blah blah.

A/N: I have seriously neglected you guys! I'm going to blame exams (which I still don't know the results of...) and the slow takeover of my life by The Walking Dead. This _isn't_ my take on the trip to Bespin... yet... more just a missing moment, because we all know Han and Leia can't make things easy and just say they love each other there and then. I'm (possibly?) doing a long multi-chap soon, so keep those fingers crossed! Reviews are always welcome :)

* * *

 **Again**

 _'You can't blame gravity for falling in love.'_

 _-Albert Einstein_

One of the coolant lines has been leaking.

 _Has_ been leaking; I've managed to fix it using the tools and material lying around, which has left me with a strange sense of achievement and nothing left to do.

Apart from think, that is… and I'm doing a lot of that. Too much, really, especially about the one thing I've been trying _not_ to think about.

I've been lucky, keeping occupied enough so my thoughts can't drift away: between the action in the 'cave', our escape from the Imperial Fleet, fixing this damned ship and whatever snatches of sleep I've been able to fit in, there's hardly been enough time for anything but immediate needs and threats.

There's been even less time in close contact with Han, which I'm even more thankful for.

Chewie's up in the cockpit now, and barely reacted when I found him and asked if there was anything that needed to be done. I've been getting gradually better at understanding him, though I'm nowhere near Han's fluency. I don't know how much Han has told him about it, but he hasn't asked me anything.

Another thing I'm glad for- I don't think I'd have any answers for him.

"Leia."

The voice is from behind me, and I jump in surprise before my brain recognises who it is. When I do, which isn't very hard, I have to fight to keep my voice steady.

"Chewie said he had a while left in the cockpit."

"I'm not in the cockpit," I can hear him smirking. "I'm back here."

Heat flares my cheeks as I try to summon a response, coming up short as I watch the steady pulse of lights on the bulkhead. Han's made me like this before, many times, but not for the same reason. I wish it was only anger burning inside me now.

Han doesn't move for a moment, probably waiting for my reaction. Then there's a creak and I feel motion behind me.

"He said the coolant line was leaking."

"I've patched it up." I reply automatically. Then I manage to get out the words I've been meaning to say. "You need to sleep, Han."

"I've tried." He hesitates, and I sense the unsaid depth to that statement. "You should, too, you know."

I don't take my eyes of the strip of blue across from me. "Nightmares."

I haven't slept properly in years, and most of the time I don't even try, just stay awake working. My dreams are worse than reality, and I'm not desperate to return to them any time soon. Even now, though my head is aching and my eyes are strained, I know the instant I lie down in a bunk I'll be wide awake again.

Han knows about my dreams, but it's not entirely my doing- if it was up to me, no one would know, regardless of how much they cared. I see their sympathy every day as it is, I don't want any more of it.

"I'm sorry."

That's about the last thing I was expecting to hear.

In surprise, I find myself turning around to face him. Gods. He's obviously been sleeping- or trying to- as his hair is dishevelled, his shirt half unbuttoned and creased, drawing my attention to an area I'd rather ignore. I've never seen Han like this, and though the thought excites me, I don't think I'll ever get used to it.

Distantly, I realise that Han apologising is something I will never fully adjust to, either.

"What about?"

He blinks. "For what happened earlier."

Now it's my turn to pause, knowing that there's no more avoiding it. This conversation has to happen eventually. Even though my face is still hot, I manage to meet his eyes in the silence that follows. Maybe he's feeling just as awkward as I am; I can see the subconscious clenching of his jaw as he moves his weight between the balls of his feet, and it's obvious neither of us are particularly eager to cover the subject.

Han's the first one to risk it. "Leia, I… I don't know what to do. I mean, I want to just forget about it and carry on like nothing happened, but-"

"You can't." I finish for him. "Neither of us can."

He nods, dropping his eyes to the floor.

"Why do you want to forget it?"

That makes him stiffen, and glance across at me. "Because I don't like dealing with things I can't just shoot."

That makes us both smile. After a moment Han nods to the crate next to me, and I shrug in response. He sits down, slightly closer to me than he probably would've otherwise, still watching his boots. Unable to keep my eyes on him for too long, I return to watching the light strip near the ceiling.

"Do you want to forget it?" He finally asks, quieter than I've ever heard him before.

It takes a moment for me to formulate a reply. "No. Not in it entirety."

His laugh starts me smiling again, and I find myself matching his gaze as my eyes stray from the lights.

"I'll take that." It's not his normal teasing, but the wry smirk that follows lets me know he's not so tired he's forgotten how to push my buttons. "Which bits _do_ you want to forget?"

"Well, the circuitry bay isn't exactly the most romantic setting…"

"I was a little hard pressed for options, sweetheart."

"…and I could've probably done without Threepio."

A slight understatement, and when Han winces I know he feels the same way.

"Yeah, not the best timing on his part," he turns suddenly sober, watching my face intently. "But it was okay? You…you wanted to?"

The apprehension on his face makes me laugh again, no matter how hard I try to prevent it. Five minutes ago I wouldn't have dreamed of saying this to his face, but now it doesn't seem so difficult.

"Yes, Han. I wanted to kiss you."

Poorly concealed relief shows behind his grin. It occurs to me that the way I've been acting probably hasn't helped his confidence. "I never thought I'd hear _you_ say that."

"Scoundrel." I retort impulsively, surprising both of us.

Han recovers first, leaning back against the bulkhead, hands laced behind his head. "You wanna kiss me, Princess? Go ahead."

 _You walked into that one._

Han's doing that look- the one that's equally as attractive as it is infuriating- but for once it doesn't make my anger flare up in an instant. The new feeling is completely alien, but not unpleasant; I have no name for the emotions swirling around inside me, a combination of uncertainty, amusement and several more I can't begin to identify.

"Threepio's shut down."

That makes me laugh more than it should, even as I take a certain amount of relief from his statement. Chewie probably knows best to avoid coming back here, but Threepio's never been that good at subtlety.

We just grin idiotically at each other for a while, which makes me laugh even more but seems to suit Han just fine. But I know him well enough now, after three years, to know he's almost never as in control as he makes himself appear. Inside he's probably just as nervous as I am about this whole thing, which is strangely reassuring.

Reassuring enough to give me the courage to shuffle closer and raise my hand to his cheek. There's only the slightest tremble, which I commend myself for. I catch his gaze again for a brief moment as I lean towards him, and as he bends down to meet me he gives me a slight nod.

He knows what I'm scared of. Hells, he's probably scared of it, too. I never thought I'd be able to read Han this well, but I know instinctively that the gesture is his way of calming that fear: _It's okay. You're in control here._

To prove it he pauses a few inches from me, leaving it to me to close the distance. I do so almost instantly, before I can think twice about it.

It's markedly different this time. It's fleeting, hesitant, and although I'm aware I'm pulling away almost before we've touched, I can't help it. I lean in again, brush my lips against his for a second, then start feeling dizzy and stop. But something about Han's touch is addictive, and I keep going back for more, unable to stay apart for longer than a moment in-between teasing kisses.

Han's palm touches my cheek as I pull back again.

Again: _It's okay._

Finally I work up enough courage to keep it going for longer, moving to pull him closer as his hand slips round against the back of my neck. We're both shaking, this time, which almost makes me laugh against his mouth, remembering earlier. Before, I was focussing so much on my thoughts- the ones screaming at me _think_ , this is _Han_ , what the hell are you doing- that I didn't notice what it felt like to have his lips on mine.

Now, even though most of my mind has given up processing anything, I feel every breath, every movement, every bit of the firm but gentle pressure between us. His breath is warm and heavy, but still sweet, much sweeter than I'd imagine.

Not that I've imagined kissing Han. Much.

I'm getting breathless all over again as I feel a sudden warmth running through my entire body, but I can't pull away, not yet. Just as the light-headed feeling starts to become overwhelming, sending a whole new rush of emotion through me, Han gently pushes me back.

Neither of us are able to talk for a long moment, gasps dancing across each others' lips as I let the rest of the galaxy come back in, gradually feeling half normal again.

Would this have happened earlier, I wonder, if Threepio hadn't come in when he did? Would we be left holding each other, hands either wrapped in hair or clenching shoulders, fighting for clarity? _Everything happens for a reason_ , Father used to say to me. Even intrusive protocol droids interrupting what may well be the most significant event in someone's relationship, apparently.

"You good?" Han's voice is still shaky as he tentatively rests his forehead against mine.

I press back, just a little, still half lost in thought. "Yes. I'm okay."

A light chuff of laughter serves as a precursor for another kiss, this one quick, only hinting at depth before Han leans back, his thumb against my cheek. It's now I realise my eyes are still shut, and it takes more effort than I'd expected to open them. Han's still got that sideways smirk on his face, but something about it is softer now, almost childlike. I feel myself subconsciously smiling back.

"Chewie's probably going to get annoyed if I put off my shift any longer," Han says reluctantly. "And you ought to get some sleep."

I accept his hand helping me up, still jumping slightly at the contact.

"You don't want some company?"

"I appreciate the offer, but I need to keep both eyes on the viewport." He shoots over his shoulder as I follow him into the corridor. I laugh, not caring if Chewie hears.

Just before heading off to the cockpit, Han touches my arm and his eyes search mine. "How bad are they?"

The nightmares. Trust Han not to forget. I take a breath.

"They're nothing. Really- it's okay."

His expression doesn't change one bit. "I'm always here, you know."

"I know."

I try to decipher his smile, with difficulty, but give up as he runs a hand over my cheek and traces my lips with a barely perceptible touch, still enough to make me tremble.

"Get some rest, sweetheart."

The nickname doesn't sting as much as it used to. I nod in agreement and turn away towards the bunks. I'm only a few paces away when Han's voice stops me.

"Leia-"

He's paused, as if he's started the sentence and has no idea where to go from there. It wouldn't surprise me, but normally he covers it up better. Finally he breaks the eye contact and glances down at the deckplates.

"Goodnight."

I can't stop the smile. "Goodnight, Han."

-End.-


End file.
